February 2012
3 posts
What your kids will sing.
I ran, you ran, we all ran from Iran.
Pick your loves like you pick your words.
Sum people, thru and through, are a waist of tyme.
January 2012
4 posts
“The researchers tested the itch-scratch response at three sites: back, forearm...”
– Scratching An Ankle Is Hard To Beat (via npr)
In other news: Scientists discover farting is more satisfying than burping. (Tax dollars hard at work)
Perks of being a Confirmed asshole.
-Traditionally, the rosary was made from the bones of unbaptized young children.
—OMG!
-Yup.
1 tag
Late to bed. Early to rise.
What the new year will bring
Is a…
December 2011
6 posts
Mexican Train
If you ever get the chance to tell someone that you love them. Take it. They are few and far between.
Nope...
Waiting here so long, people think I’m the bouncer.
Party doable.
That new MI commercial is edited terribly. “I don’t seduce, I just…” Duce.
November 2011
3 posts
Will you still love me tomorrrow
The good news is, there isn’t any bad news.
October 2011
8 posts
You don't want to go home again.
The more time I spend around my parents as an adult, the more I realize how far I have come from their neglect.
Things I’ve learned in the month of October. Don’t ask the guy who works for the Mexico tourist board about the 50 dead bodies they found under the overpass. Also, don’t ask your favorite farmer’s market vendor about the cantaloupe ecoli outbreak right after he sells someone a melon.
$till over priced.
I understand the value of a therapist every time I start to tell someone the extent of my depression. Their eyes start to pop out of their head, and I have to say, “well, not anymore.”
3 tags
2 tags
Red-light, Green-light, 123
What does it mean that I am more concerned about the health effects related to the red light on my water filter more so than the one at an intersection?
September 2011
8 posts
6 tags
3 tags
1 tag
“It has good reviews on yelp.”
Got yo back
No offense to the fatties out there, lord knows I need to lose a few, but I think some people would move a little faster if someone just rolled them to wherever they were going.
My team is full of eyes.
Every time I crack open a new loaf of bread and make toast. I eat the heel and tell myself I’m taking one for the team. Even though I live by myself.
Once upon a time. I learned not to look.
Everything up to an hour ago, feels like lifetime away.
The more things change.
The newz is for fewls.
May or may not contain corn[iness]
There should be a warning printed cautioning the dangers of eating an entire bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos for dinner.
-Not part of a complete meal.
-Will cause severe stomach pains.
-Finger tips will be dangerous for the next 24 hours.
-Do not eat if sensitive to migraines.
-Eating this entire bag will remove 4 minutes from your life.
Idk Frito Lay, run with it. The world is yours.
August 2011
11 posts
2 tags
Describe yourself in 5 words
Under-paid
Over-worked
Under-appreciated
Over-stimulated
drowning
1 tag
Derp
Thinking to myself:
“Hmm, what did I eat for lunch today? I feel like it was unhealthy.”
“Oh yea, cake.”
2 tags
Total Drivel: Unleashed Dogs →
totaldrivel:
I took Cody for a walk today and, as a were crossing the street a few blocks from home, two dogs ran off of someone’s front porch, down their stairs and out into the road where they tackled Cody to the ground. They didn’t bite him. They might have even meant it playfully, but Cody is really old…
I have the same issue in LA. People, put your dogs on a leash.
Pay it forward
Every morning, I thank my dog for breaking my socks’ necks before I have to put them on.
www//
I don’t believe in violence as an answer, but I would have fought, and probably died, in WWII.
“The US budget is like a 1st grader playing Oregon Trail. Spend all the money on...”
– Malhavoc430 // Reddit (via mattchew03)
We just all died of dysentery.
July 2011
6 posts
Table's a tad empty.
What’s with these girls thinking having a vagina and a job are mutually exclusive categories.
Bitch
You doggone dog-ear dog-faced scoundrel. You don’t stand a dog’s chance in hell.
Scientists breed goats that produce spider silk →
tragos:
msodradek:
buffleheadcabin:
It’s all good until they start to weave webs & sting.
For tumblr’s goat-in-residence.
Ms. Odradek, thank you. I’ve been waiting for this moment. I have always dreamed of a future where goats form a super-race saving human civilization from its goatish tendencies. This, I see, is the first step.
Spider-goat!
Spidergoat, Spidergoat, Does whatever...
Who Fahted
Ever smell poop when you are out and think it’s you? I do. Unless I’m with my dog, then I know it’s him.
Alas, poor Yoric! I knew him.
Take my advice: Get the summer heartbreak done early, so your autumn isn’t nearly as morose as it usually is.
June 2011
6 posts
Kharmic Retribution
Every so often the universe rewards me, and I get to fart in my dog’s face.